A checklist for relationship-readiness21 Sep 2017
Sharing your life with someone special can bring so much joy on so many levels. However, there are many factors to consider before bringing someone else into your world. Here is a checklist for assessing your relationship-readiness:
- Do you know your why? Are you looking for someone special to enhance your life and share life’s experiences with? Or are you so scared that you will be alone forever that you are making decisions out of desperation? If it’s the latter, be weary —these false, self-limiting beliefs can lead you to settle and waste a lot of time and energy on the wrong partner/type of relationship.
- Do you love yourself? While it sounds so cliche’, it is nevertheless true that you must love yourself first. When you recognize and appreciate all that is good within you, you are less likely tolerate someone who does not. Find a partner who cherishes your unique qualities rather than someone who wants to change them.
- Have you learned from the past? Perspective gained from previous experiences is invaluable. If you are fresh out of a relationship, it may not be the best time to jump into the next one. Sometimes we need a bit of time and distance to clearly assess what went wrong and what went right, so that we can carry that learning into the next relationship.
- Do you have a vision of the right partner/relationship? It is really helpful to get clear on your values and relationship goals, as well as your deal breakers before you enter into a relationship. Sometimes our judgement becomes clouded by emotions when we start dating someone new. Being equipped with the knowledge of what’s most important at the outset can help keep you grounded and purposeful in making relationship decisions.
- Do you have time and energy for someone else? If you are currently in the middle of something very time-consuming or stressful, it may be better to wait until you have more free time to devote to another. People like to feel special, and constantly being unavailable is a surefire way to thwart off real connection.
- Are you ready and willing to work? Love is not simply an emotion —it’s an action too. Everyone has ways they want to be shown love. If you want a lasting, happy relationship, you’re going to have to find out what your partner’s needs are and then take some action on them nearly every day.
- Are you ok with monogamy? Most of the time, people in relationships want to be exclusive. If you don’t feel ready to settle down with just one person, maybe you still need to get out there and kiss a few more frogs. Either that or find someone who has similar outlooks on monogamy in relationships.
- Are you ready for a change in your lifestyle? Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you need to stay home watching Netflix every night and give up spending time with your friends. However, if you still feel the need to regularly go out to bars and drink with your crew, you might have trouble finding someone who is accepting of that. Being in a relationship with the right person should be a whole lot of fun, but be prepared for some change.
- Are you willing and able to compromise? If you’ve been single for a long time, you might be used to having everything just your way. However, the “my way or the highway” approach is not conducive to a happy partnership. If you are not interested in accommodating and considering another’s feelings, you probably have a little work left to do.
- Are you in a healthy space? Entering a new relationship if you have untreated mental health or addiction disorders is a huge mistake. Get healthy first so that you can be the best version of yourself before you bring someone else into your life.